This woman has serious unfair advantages.

Nigella Lawson.

Great voice, great bod, great hair…and she can cook! You’re suppose to have me believe all these gifts in one woman is possible?

I don’t think she can really cook. She just follows reciepes other people create. She’s like the hot, British Betty Crocker. A face for an enterprise. If she can cook, I can’t bear to live in a world so unjust.

I’ll just pretent she can’t really cook. Or that she has seriously, ugly, cottage cheese legs. Maybe her boobs, when unleashed from her bra hang to her knees. Just let me have at least one thing.

Joy. My little child has discovered that he 1.) has an opinion about things and 2.) if he reacts a certain way his opinion might be understood. While one part of me is very happy that he’s reached this developmental milestone, I do long a bit for the days when bananas were not flying at my head.

Just a little note: Zachary doesn’t like bananas anymore. Maybe he never liked them and just tolerated them, but now, if fed bananas he will angrily grab the spoon. He will then chuck said spoon and banana baby food at the wall as if to say, “Curse you woman! I will have NO MORE of those wretched bananas! Take that!” Alright. Point taken.

He also is very vocal about wanting to go outside. Every time the dogs are let out in the backyard, he feels he needs to go to the backyard too. If he is not allowed, a crying, crocodile-teared tantrum will ensue. Last night this occurred even though the dogs didn’t even want to go outside due to rain and thunder and lighting. Zach didn’t care, he still thought I was denying him his God-given right to be outside. Lighting strikes be damned.

I know it’s called an opinion, and I enjoy people who have one, but I’m still having a hard time being the party-pooping-rule-maker. Even though I hit the big old 3-3 this year, its the fact that I’m saying “no” a lot more with resulting tears that is making me feel really old. I think instead of saying “Mommy” he’ll refer to me as “Nono!”

Don’t even start with me on real women’s magazine tags such as “Spice up your sex life”, “Lose 15 pounds” “15 great desserts!” “Great news about anti-depressants!” “Suicide: it’s not just for the termanally ill!”

Okay, the last one was not real.

 This is Hungry girl… and I am in love with her. (This little cartoon version of her to the left, anyway.) I think this is one of my favorite web sites right now. First of all, she has the “dish” on lots of low fat foods and secondly, she’s a follower of Weight Watchers. Her site has a very woman’s channel commerical feel to it, check it out.  http://www.hungry-girl.com

Remember those days in school when the weather was nice and your class was slow so you’d go on a feild trip? I got to do that at work the other day. It was very “educational” even though it was 100 degrees, dusty and smokey. I did get to see the insides of a gutted Piggly Wiggly warehouse (soon to be urban lofts), dispite the fact that I sort of freaked out trying to climb a tricky ladder to the roof. Getting down was much easier but it was too late, everyone knew I was a bit of a whimp climbing up. Still, a bad day on a work field trip is always better than an average day in the office.

I was just thinking about the Piggly Wiggly supermarket chain. When I was five we were shopping there and I opened a bag of M&Ms while we were checking out and started eating them. I knew better, but was never caught the several times I did this before. Of course, this time a lady from our church was the check out clerk and she busted me. She told my mother and I was spanked all the way to the car and made to view my shoplifting booty from atop the refridgerator for the next 6 months (it seemed.) From that point I begged that we never shop the Piggly Wiggly. Lucky for me, it wasn’t our primary shopping location and in a few years it closed. But I do remember the feeling of dread that would come over me as I saw that big, pink pig as we pulled into the parking lot. To this day, that’s what I remember most about the Piggly Wiggly: my first and last shoplifting bust.

So, I’ve read a lot of metaphysical stuff. Bad things keep happening and I have no better understanding than I did before. Maybe in this life its better not to “know.” It does make sense down here anyway, even if we did know.

http://www.onesentence.org/

While mindlessly surfing the web at work the other day. I came across a very interesting site about near death experiences. I was pulled in and I COULD NOT LOOK AWAY.

Its a really interesting phenomenon. A very large part of me thinks it is true and it could be an actual link to the after life. Another part of me thinks it may be the minds way of coping with impending death. Either way, I hope I get to see the tunnel and the light before I die. Its much more reassuring than the total blackness concept.

Check out this site for your self. http://near-death.com/

It also has links to pretty much all things metaphysical, new age or odd. I could read this for days.

I’m a Christian, but some of the ideas presented by the new age sect are so inticing!

I was a serious dork as a child and loved the movie Xanadu. Apparently, I am not the only one. Its being ressurected on Broadway as a campy musical. If it is still on Broadway after January 1st (when I get more vaccation time) I am seriously going!

For more information see www.xanaduonbroadway.com

Yesterday evening Zachary stood on his own several times and took up to three steps unsupported. I couldn’t belive how HUGE of a deal this was for me. We were all so excited (Zach in particular!) You could see he was so proud of himself.

It struck me as odd, that this hit me more with “my baby is growing up” feelings more than crawling or pulling himself up on things or “cruising.” We had just come from his cousin Jack’s 1st birthday party. The whole year kind of flashed before me on high speed. What an amazing year. I can’t think of a better way to spend a year of your life than watching a child go from helpless infant to walking toddler. Amazing. Its like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

One of the really odd things about parenthood that no one really mentioned to me is the dichotomy of the conversations you can have in an hour. You can go from a really simple conversation with your child about say, stinky feet or puppies then have the most complex conversation about core values with your spouse. It such an understatement when they say it’s “a juggling act.” It’s a juggling act where your whole life hangs on the balance of how well you keep the balls in the air. Pay too much attention to your child, your relationship suffers, pay too much attention to your job, your child suffers. Let everything go out the window, everyone suffers. In addition, even when you are juggling things well, you still feel inadequate.

            Mark is very frustrated by the dogs and would like to “not be a pet owner anymore.” That’s a pretty much a non-choice, in my view. Once you adopt a pet it is yours for life. No matter how much hair, poop, vomit, whatever you must clean up. They are yours for their life. That’s why they refer to them as the prequel to kids. Now that we have a child, I see how the dogs become second, but they don’t get booted out the door. Life is messy and I think that if want to get rid of a pet because its messy, you are shallow. In 20 years there will be no one in our house to mess it up. In 20 years both dogs will be gone, Zachary will be in college and all we’ll have of this time is memories. I highly doubt I’ll remember how much dog hair was on the carpet our or what stupid thing was broken. I will remember the fun times I had with my child and my dogs. I know that has an Erma Bombeck feel to it, but there is a real truth there.